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Thursday, March 17, 2011

Dear Burger King Employee

Dear Miss. or Mrs. Burger King Employee,

   Today, at lunchtime, I decided to forgo my usual sandwich from one of the two sandwich shops near work. Upon exiting the front doors of my building, I could smell the enticing aroma of Burger King hamburgers wafting in my direction. The fast food joint called to me. It said, "Kat, why indulge in a healthy sandwich when you can enjoy a questionable beef hamburger with processed cheese, a side of deep fried onion rings, and a carbonated chemical liquid to wash it all down?" To be fair, I had put off my lunch for so long that at this point I was famished and an old stale piece of toast could have persuaded me with the promise of a smudge of jam on top, but this just smelled so much better.

    I hopped in my car and drove over to the Burger King drive-thru. I have to commend you at this point Miss. or Mrs. Burger King Employee. You were very prompt with answering the speaker box and asking for my order. When you repeated the order back to me, you had everything correct!...

    This is were the praise for you ends. Presently, I proceeded to pull forward, as you requested. You had stated that my meal today was going to cost me $3.49, so I diligently collected the necessary funds to hand over for my fast-food feast. Now, at this time I have far too many pennies, and not much of anything else, in fact the only other coins I have are two quarters. I gather together three dollar bills, my two quarters, and the nine required pennies. I'm ecstatic! I finally get to rid myself of some pennies and add a new coin to my repertoire. For all you following along so far, this is a dime. My very own.

    The predicament begins... I pull up to the payment window and wait. And wait...and wait...and wait. All the while I'm having an internal conflict going on in my head. On the one hand I don't like to be kept waiting without a "Hi. I'll be right with you." or a "One moment please" or any number of platitudes. I think it's very poor customer service. Especially at a fast food drive-thru. I'm teetering on the brink of just driving away and going somewhere else. On the other hand, I am absolutely starving. If I leave now, I have to think of somewhere else to go, drive there, wait through the ordering process again, and then get my oh so precious food. Of course, if I'm forced to wait here any longer, I'm beginning to think it may take longer than the aforementioned driving-somewhere-else scheme.

    Just as I made my mind up to drive off, and was cursing you for wasting my time, you came to the window and peeped your head out. It was like a hallelujah light shining down from heaven...only out of a small Burger King drive-up window. I was so weakend by my starvation that I can't remember if you asked politely for my money or just stuck your hand out at me like a beggar, but considering the deterioration of this transaction, I fear it was the latter. Upon handing my money over to you I made sure to state that I was handing $3.59 to you. See, I've tried this trick before, and have not received my change. They assume you are giving them the correct change instead of trying to downsize the amount of coin in your purse by over paying and getting one nickle/dime/quarter back instead of up to four more pennies. Doesn't anyone else do this anymore??

    Anyway, your confusion at seeing my money in your hands almost outweighed your stupidity, for you looked at your hand, you looked at me, then looked back at your hand, pushed the coins around to double check your count, and then looked back at me, confounded. I didn't understand the problem, so I reiterated that no, it was not a mistake. I had given you $3.59.

    "I counted correctly, right? That is $3.59, isn't it?"

    You then proceeded to stick your hand, with my change in it, out to me. You said, "You could just give me the 50¢ and I can give you a penny change." I think what you didn't say but was implied was, "Take your pennies back you dumbass."

    "I don't want a penny change. I would like a dime back, thank you." Is this really a difficult math equation to grasp?

    Thank god you did not push the point further. You deposited my change into the 'til and presented me with my much awaited dime. Then Miss. or Mrs. Burger King Employee, you walked away from the window. So I waited. And waited some more. This time it was not as long a wait as when I first pulled up to the window, waiting to be greeted and acknowledged for my patronage, but I feel an "I'll have your food in a moment" might have been appreciated. Your rudeness does not end there though, does it? Nope. Once you had my food bagged and ready to hand to me, you thrust your arm out to your side, jabbing my bag of food at me while looking...I don't know. At the car behind me? At your register?

    To top off my bad experience, I had to practically jump out of my car and through the drive-thru window, to stop you shutting it, before I could ask for my ketchup which you dumped a handful of unceremoniously into my bag.

    I'm sorry to say Miss. or Mrs. Burger King Employee, but I will no longer be taking my patronage to your location. You have sullied the name of Burger King, with your ineptness and rude behavior. In future, if I desire a "char-broiled" cheeseburger and onion rings, I will have to drive out of my way to the other Burger King down the road.


P.S. Please extend my gratitude to your cooks this day. My cheeseburger and onion rings were both delicious.

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